Last week one of my friends asked a question which i thought was worth discussing. He asked me how to overcome fears that pop up at times - even when everything is going good.
The truth is it is not a simple question to answer as it varies for every person. There are literally thousands of books that have been written on that subject alone. However, one of the best ways I have used to overcome my fears usually involves lowering the gradient.
What are gradients? Gradients are like steps on a ladder. If you try to reach the top of the ladder on your first step, it will be impossible and you may fail. If you keep trying it over and over you will begin to build up a "complex" about failing, and soon not try anymore.
If you try to jump up five or six steps in your first try, it will also be frightening - not necessarily impossible but scary. Probability is that if you have no experiences jumping that high you may fail too.
The proper approach is to take the first step and then advance one-step at a time. It is the most comfortable method to climb a ladder.
Here are some examples of how I apply that to get over fears that pop up in meeting women and dating women:
As most guys do, I often go out to meet women in a social setting. This can be particularly scary. So when I am approaching an attractive woman in a social setting, instead of telling her how beautiful she is and how much I am attracted to her (which exposes my fear of being shot down in front of lots of people and embarrassed) I lower the gradient of approach and simply say "Hi." If a girl likes you or is interested in you she will find a means to continue the conversation. If she doesn't then i understand she is not interested in me and the simple "Hi" just appears that I am friendly - not necessarily even flirting - so I don't feel shot down in front of many people.
If I am starting to date a girl and I feel fearful taking the next step of trying to get intimate with her, I don't ask her "Would you like to get intimate?" I take a lower gradient and ask her if she wants to chill, get cozy, and just watch TV at my house. If she doesn't want to get intimate she certainly won't wish to be alone with me, getting cozy at my home. Or rather than trying to suddenly "kiss her", I will simply hold her hand or give her gentle touches every now and again to discover how responsive she is to my touch. If she likes my touch she will start touching me back to give me the go ahead signal.
These are some examples. If you feel uneasy and fearful just try to consider a lower gradient that isn't as frightening and allows you to make forward progress toward your goal. If you do this you will learn how to meet women and the way to relate to them very quickly.
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